For the past few weeks, we have been discussing our relationship goals. If you haven’t already done so, check out the previous articles:
Today we consider what we can do during this “relationship-free” period in our lives.
While I have stated before, I have been in the relationship free category (a.k.a single) for a looonnnggg time. I have watched friends meet someone, get married, and have children. I have witnessed others complete the same process and end their relationships in divorce. During that time I have casually dated, I have been completely out of the dating scene, I have longed for a relationship, and I have enjoyed being single. I have experienced the highs and lows of being relationship-free for many years. And honestly, I wish I would have maintained a positive attitude about my status the whole time.
Being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing. Enjoying a deep connection with someone, having a go-to person to share good/bad news with, and let’s not forget about how awesome it is to cuddle in the winter. But relationships are hard work. They require commitment and sacrifice at all stages.
So often we look at relationships through rose-colored glasses and forget that once you commit to someone, it becomes about “WE” and no longer about just me. There will be tradeoffs.
Therefore, I want to encourage you to take this time of singlehood and enjoy it for all it’s worth. There is nothing like having the freedom to pursue your dreams without being responsible for or to someone else. I can honestly say, being single has allowed me to take risks and make choices that I may not have been inclined to take if I had to consult with my partner or if my significant other did not agree.
During my many years of being relationship-free, I have…
- Spent a month traveling throughout Europe solo
- Bought the house I wanted and decorated to suit me
- Started a business and quit my job on a whim
- Started several women’s groups (a Meetup and one at my church)
- Became involved in serving at church and made connecting with others a priority
- Moved across the country because I was tired of being broke while living in NYC
- I adopted a stray dog, literally from the street (I do not recommend doing this)
When I was enjoying being single, I was fearless in my pursuit of what made ME feel alive and I was free to make those choices for myself. My choices were based on me and me alone.
I know that merging my life with someone else’s means saying goodbye to that level of freedom. This is not to say that once you are in a relationship these things are not possible, because they totally are, it simply won’t be as easy if your partner isn’t 100% on board.
Now is the time to do you!
As previously mentioned, I wish I took this positive approach the entire time. If we believe God’s timing is perfect then why not choose to wait well?
There are things you can do now as a single person that will better prepare you for when your partner arrives. We’ve discussed the importance of becoming your best self in the waiting period but why not enjoy this process. So that you won’t look back and think, I wish I would have…when I was single. Let’s explore a few things you can do in the meantime.
What Should We Do While We Wait
- Pamper yourself
- Get the nice things you want
- Put in the extra effort for that promotion
- Focus on fostering great friendships
- Go on mission trips or meditation retreats
- Give yourself time to grow spiritually and clarify your beliefs and values
This is an exciting time in your life where the only person you have to respond to is you.
There are seasons for everything in one’s life. Stop looking at singlehood as something that’s holding you back when it is the perfect season to pursue your own goals and be ready to create some more with your partner when they arrive.
Remember happiness is a choice and you can choose to be happy now, while you wait for the right partner.
Be present to what’s happening in your life now. While you are single, it is a great time to invest in yourself and focus on your life goals, your career, friendships, etc.
Do what you want as you are responsible for your own joy. Don’t wait to do something with your partner when you can enjoy it now. How about you test it out first and then do it again with your partner?
What great adventures or goals have you been able to pursue during your relationship free period? If you are currently in a relationship, what advice can you share to those waiting? Please comment below.