This is the third installment in our relationship goals series. If you’re just tuning in, be sure to read the previous posts, The One Goal We’re Afraid to Talk About and Why Do I Keep Attracting Trashy Men? and then return to read part three.
In the previous blog post, we spoke about why we may not be attracting the right man. I shared my story about how I needed to first become the person who is worthy of attracting my ideal mate by developing the qualities I want in a partner in myself. Today I share practical steps you can take to attract and keep your ideal partner.
While on this goal attainment journey I have had the pleasure of speaking to many women about their dreams and hopes for the future. And many of us believe that finding our ideal partner is something we have no control over. I say “we” because I was right there with you in believing this.
If you’re like me, I know you envision an extraordinary relationship. One that you may have only seen in movies or your daydreams. We frustratingly, talk about waiting for Mr. Right to show up as if the formula for achieving our relationship goals is different than the method we used to land a promotion or get our degrees.
We landed the promotion because our work ethic showed we were ready for more responsibility. We got the degree because we studied hard and worked towards making progress over time. In here lies the secret to our success in landing our ideal mate…We have to do the work consistently as with anything else.
Because When it Comes to Attracting a Quality Man, You Have More Power Than You Think.
While I continue to dream of my fairytale ending, I am aware that I need to take action towards making those dreams a reality. And taking action does NOT mean being on every dating website all day every day. Trust me I’ve tried that approach and all it left me with is horror stories for days. SMDH
So what does it mean to “do the work?” It means preparing yourself to welcome someone into your life. You make time for what matters so consider the following:
• How are you allocating time in your week for a partner?
• How are you preparing yourself emotionally and mentally?
• How are you preparing financially to be a helpmate rather than a burden?
Remember, you first have to become the type of woman who is attractive to your ideal partner.
A Few Ways I Am Working to Attract My Ideal Partner:
1.) I have made dating a priority- While I have cut out the dating websites, I make sure there’s time in my schedule for dating and say “yes” when asked out. Thus, showing the universe that I am open.
2.) I surrounded myself with married couples- I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but when you want to be married you need to begin learning from married couples. Getting married is easy, staying married is hard. You want to prepare yourself mentally for the next phase of your life.
3.) I have worked to be debt free- Knowing that money is the number one cause for divorce, I have worked to learn as much as I can about proper money management and am actively working to become debt free prior to getting married. I do not want debt to be an issue in my relationship.
An extraordinary relationship is the result of two extraordinary people coming together. And the key to being extraordinary lies within your habits.
I was recently reminded of the importance of having daily, weekly, quarterly, and annual rituals for one’s romantic relationship. This wasn’t a new concept to me because as a single woman I have these goals for myself. If you were an early subscriber to my blog then you might remember my habit tracker which was designed with this in mind.
The point is, you need to develop good habits whether you are single or in a relationship. having rituals that grow you are always a good investment.
The more positive routines you have in place as a single person, the easier it will be to continue practicing these habits with your partner and become extraordinary together.
Here are a few examples of habits you can adopt while “relationship-free” and how you can modify them when your partner arrives. Because he IS coming and you want to be the best version of yourself when he arrives.
Relationship free Habits ——> Partnership Habits
· Do yoga or stretch to get in a good mood
· Read before going to bed
· Reflect on your day and envision tomorrow
· Review your values and say your affirmations
· Go for a walk while on a phone call with a loved one
· Meditate together or pray for each other every morning/night
· Begin the day with a sweet text message
· Do a book study together
· Share your daily highlights when talking on the phone
· Have a “no phone” policy when in each other’s presence or during dinner (if you live together)
· Set a daily time for you to talk on the phone
· Have one day when you unplug and connect with loved ones
· Practice self-care by treating yourself to a massage, bubble bath, mani/pedi etc.
· Take time to review your goals and assess your progress or lack thereof and design an action plan
· Have a set date night
· Take turns treating each other to a massage or cooking dinner for one another
· Set a relationship check-in date where you rate yourselves and assess whether you are moving towards or away from the vision you have for your relationship
· Tackle one item on your bucket list
· Focus on learning a new skill
· Do something adventurous together or take turns completing bucket list items
· Complete a project together (this is a great way to test each other’s patience and communication skills)
· Take a solo vacation
· Attend a conference
· Take a trip together
· Attend a couples retreat
Think about what your current habits say about you. Are they habits that would be appealing to your ideal partner? Take time to start laying the foundation for a strong relationship by doing all you can to become extraordinary while you’re single. This means evaluating how you manage your time, money, energy, who you seek counsel from, and the habits that keep you healthy (mentally, socially, and emotionally). Growing your own awesomeness is always a great investment.
Moving Forward: Consider where you can improve. Use the three key questions above to assess how you are preparing yourself as a single woman. Review the chart and identify one habit you would like to cultivate within yourself. Practice the habit for 90 days before adding in another one that serves you now and you would like to incorporate into your future relationship.
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